i fucked up

sighs. world, all this while i've been selfish all the time that i didn't think of what all my siblings want all this while even-though i can afford enough to get the things for them. how do i start this post ah? i'm extremely speechless today banar tah.

today, my dad came to my house and i was working at that time doing the drp testing something about our system blah blah blah don't want to elaborate about that. back to the point. then bibie text me that my dad came and bring my adik go jln2. thats my first mistake. then i went so panic afraid that he will do violence lagi. as an eldest in the family i am very concern about that. sigh. then my mum asked me to look after them. then yayai my sister update with me where are they. she text me and said they're in yys. i called syg and he went straight away to my office. sigh. we rushed to yys afraid that my dad bring them to meet the so called "step mother" and i don't want that to happen. *knock the wood*

then we arrived at yys. then i clashed with my dad and i saw my adik. they kena balikan all the stuff that they've been wanting all this while. sigh. i saw them safe sudah so i don't worried much lagi. we went home straightly then they bring all the stuff and show it off to us. they was like happy. until mumy says " if kamu mau sama bbh kamu, i don't mind, i know i can't afford to buy all the stuff, mumy inda mampu bari kamu harta dunia, but akhirat i can afford, i'd do anything for that " i was very sad and speechless and i feel like crying out loud until now. i'm the eldest sister and i'm working for almost nine months and obviously i can afford to buy them all this kind of things that they should have. but aku hilaf, liat duit tarus bali brg for my self and inda think about my siblings at all. sighs. and my first mistake is aku jarang bwa durang jln. sigh how silly i am.

i realize that i've been selfish all this time, i ever felt this before, i want this and that but i kesian mumy because she carries so much of burden already, daddy leave us in vain, we don't have anything, the car kana tarik, life wasn't that easy bah. all we got is only ppl around us stabbing at us, insulted us. that was the hard part of my life.

sigh, i learnt my mistake, and i'm trying hard not to do the same mistake lagi. sorry mumy,
i love you so much.

with love,
zaii