IT'S 5.41AM AND I HAVEN'T SLEEP YET. I DON'T KNOW WHY AND BETTER DON'T ASK ME WHY BECAUSE I AM CLUELESS RIGHT NOW. :D

TO BE HONEST DEEPLY IN MY HEART. I AM HAPPY WHERE I AM NOW AND I AM HAPPY THAT I FEEL VERY SAFE AND SECURE. I DON'T WANT ANYONE OR ANYTHING TO BOTHER US AT THE MOMENT.WE ARE LIVING OUR LIFE PEACEFULLY WITH NO ONE BOTHER US ANYMORE. THOUGH WE WERE LIKE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ISLAND WHERE NO ONE HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE IS IT. I MEAN WE HAVE NO RELATIVES TO DEPEND ON.

EVER SINCE THE TRAGEDY, YES I AGREE I FEEL LIKE A LONER IN THIS WORLD. BUT WHEN I THINK TWICE, WE DON'T DIE TOGETHER. THEY WON'T SAVE ME FROM EVERY SINS THAT I MADE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I AM VERY HAPPY WITH MUMMY, SIBLINGS, BF AND FRIENDS. THAT'S IT NO ONE ELSE. I DON'T WANT SOME OF THE PERSON GET BACK INTO MY LIFE THEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN. PARANOID THAT IS.

I JUST WANT TO LIVE A LIFE WITH THEM NOT THE OTHERS. LIVING LIFE WITH THE OTHERS, ONLY LEFT WITH HATRED. THE SCARS WILL ALWAYS REMAIN DEEP DOWN IN MY SOUL WHICH NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND.

I WON'T SIMPLY FORGET WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE. THEY TRYING TO RUIN OUR LIFE. BUT WE STAND STILL BECAUSE I KNOW LOVE BRING US STAND TOGETHER AS ONE.

STUBBORN I AM. I DON'T DO FORGIVE AND FORGET TO THOSE WHO HURT ME AND MUMMY REALLY BAD. TO THOSE WHO HURT MY BOYFRIEND'S FEELINGS.

I CAN SEE IN HIS EYES THAT HE REALLY WANTED TO SAVE ME. BUT "YOU" CAME AND SAID THIS AND THAT TO HIM. AND HE FELT GUILTY AND LEFT OUT ALSO COULDN'T FORGET WHAT YOU'VE SAID TO HIM. FOR THE SECOND THOUGHT, WE ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED. NOT YOU.

SORRY I AM AN EVIL. I TRIED TO FORGIVE AND FORGET WHAT HAPPENS IN PAST BUT I CAN'T. IF SOMETHING REMIND ME OF YOU GUYS I'M MAD LIKE MY BRAIN ARE STUCK AND ALL I THINK IS I WANTED TO KILL YOU MY PIMP LITTLE COUSIN. SERIOUSLY. AND EVERY TIME WHEN I THINK OF IT, IT ALWAYS POPPED OUT ON MY MIND AND SAYS "HOW I WISH MURDERING IS LEGAL" AND HOW I WISH I HAVE A LICENSE TO KILL SOMEONE.

MUMMY FELT THE SAME WAY TOO. SHE REALLY FEELS LEFT OUT. WE TRY TO BE STRONG AND BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS, MUMMY IS SUFFERING AND TAKING TOO MANY SLEEPING PILLS AND I CAN'T FORGET HOW SHE SUFFERED AND CRYING ALL NIGHT LONG.

TWO OF THE REASONS WHY I DON'T WANT YOU GUYS TO BE IN MY LIFE ANYMORE. I KNOW REVENGE DOES SOLVE NOTHING. I WON'T TAKE ANY REVENGE. DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH. LETS JUST KARMA HANDLE IT.

I AM VERY HAPPY WHERE I AM NOW. I DON'T WANT THE SO CALLED HAPPY FAMILY ANYMORE. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. I SOUNDS REALLY MEAN. I KNOW.

BUT I STILL CANNOT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY TEARING OUR HEART INTO PIECES. NOT TRYING TO BE AN ARROGANT. BUT LOOK AT US. WE CAN STAND TOGETHER WITH OUR TWO FEET ON THE GROUND WITHOUT THEM. AND I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL ALWAYS STAY.

I LOVE YOU MUMMY AND YOU SY

SORRY I CAN'T BE A GOOD GIRL ANYMORE. I HAD ENOUGH WITH EVERYTHING THAT I WENT THROUGH ALL THIS TIME. REALLY I AM SORRY.

LOVE,
ZAII

THIS WOMAN(MYSELF) WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE YOU. WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU. A VERY MUCH THANK TO YOU YOURSELF,INDEED. YOU MADE ME REALIZE THAT I AM THAT KIND OF PERSON AND I AM REALLY AGREE WITH WHAT YOU HAVE SAID TO ME.

YOU MADE ME CRY THIS MORNING AND YEA I SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU SAID WAS TOTALLY RIGHT.

NOW I WANNA SAY THIS TO YOU. ITS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

I THANK YOU FOR BEING NICE TO ME, I THANK FOR YOUR SACRIFICE EACH AND EVERYDAY TO ME. I THANK TO YOU WHO MADE MY LIFE WONDERFUL. I THANK TO YOU WHO ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME.

BUT WHAT YOU'VE SAID TO ME AS IF THAT YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN ON ME. I KNOW I HAVE NOTHING. I DON'T HAVE CARS I DON'T HAVE ANY LICENSE. MAYBE I DESERVE OF WHAT YOU'VE SAID TO ME. HOW PITY THAT I GOT NOTHING IN THIS WORLD.

YOU MADE ME REALIZE THAT I SHOULD GO FAR-FAR AWAY FROM YOU. WE ARE WORLD APART. HOW IDIOT I AM WHO DIDN'T THINK THIS AT THE VERY FIRST.

FOR THE SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A BREAK. YOU GO WITH YOUR OWN AND I'LL GO WITH MINE. WHO KNOWS THAT LIFE'S WAY MUCH-MUCH BETTER WHEN WE ARE NOT TOGETHER. SOUNDS SAD BUT HEY ITS WHAT WE HAVE TO FACE. I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO READ THIS.

I JUST WANNA LET YOU FREE. AND HOPING THAT I'M MAKING A RIGHT DECISION. ITS BEEN SIX YEARS AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME THAT I FELT LIKE MY HEART IS REALLY BROKEN AND BLEEDING AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HEAL IT. WHO KNOWS THAT MAYBE YOU COULD FIND SOMEONE WAY MUCH BETTER THAN ME.

BUT ONE THING THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU
I APPRECIATE OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME
AND I'M SORRY CAUSE I MADE YOU FEEL UNAPPRECIATED.

LOVE,
ZAII-THE BROKEN HEARTED

MY 1ST ANNIVERSARY

MORNING, ITS 6.02AM,04.11.09

SUPPOSE I POST THIS YESTERDAY BUT THEN I FORGOT I GUESS I THINK TOO MUCH FOR THE DINNER :D

YEA YESTERDAY 03.11.09 ITS EXACTLY ONE YEAR I'M WORKING WITH BBB SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

THE HARD TIMES THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH. BEEN STRESSING FOR THE WHOLE YEAR BUT I DO ENJOY MY JOB AND I'M LOVING IT THOUGH ITS TIRING. KRAJA MANA JUA INDA STRESS. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG. :D

HONESTLY I LOVE BBB SO MUCH. BUT THE PEOPLE AROUND THERE ITS DRIVING ME INSANE. SIGH.

BAH ONCE AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :D

LOVE,
ZAII

"THIS IS IT"

HI PEOPLE.

ANOTHER BBRC DINNER.

THEMES :THIS IS IT. BLACK/&WHITE. AND THAT'S FREAKING OUT. SERIOUSLY I DO. WHAT TO WEAR? MY HAIR? MY SHOES? ERR YOU KNOW I'M A TYPE OF GIRL WHO DIDN'T HAVE THOSE THINGS LIKE ACCESSORIES STUFF THE DINNER DRESS. I'M JUST A SIMPLE GIRL AREN'T I? :D

ME AND MY COLLEAGUE KEEP WHINING ALL DAY LONG THINKING OF WHAT TO WEAR. OUR FIRST THOUGHT WAS "HOW IF WE OVERDRESS?" "HOW IF WE'RE TOO SIMPLE?" WHAT IF WE LOOK UGLY? AH CRAP.

KEEP SEARCHING FOR MY OUTFIT BUT I FAILED. AS IN I HAVEN'T GO ANYWHERE TO SEARCH THE BAJU. PLUS I HAVE TO YEA A BIT SAVING. :D BANAR KAH TU? :D

ONE THING FOR SURE I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE SOME FUN WITH MY FRIENDS NOT TALKING ABOUT THE DANCE BUT THE NIGHT THAT WE WILL SPEND INSTEAD.

BUT ONE THING THAT ALWAYS MAKIN' ME A BIT RELUCTANT IS ABOUT MY LOVE ONE. ITS SATURDAY NIGHT WHICH I SUPPOSE TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM. SIGH. SORRY SY THAT I COULDN'T BE WITH YOU. :s BUT ONE THING FOR SURE THAT NIGHT WILL BE YOUR BACHELOR NIGHT WHICH YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS WITHOUT ME. :D

P/S: I LOVE YOU BABY :D

GOODNIGHT.

LOVE,
ZAII.

6 and a half years

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY HAPPY 78TH MONTH MONTHSARY TO US WHICH EQUAL TO 6 AND A HALF YEARS <3<3. I AM SO GLAD THAT I FOUND YOU TO BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YOU WERE ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THE GOOD AND BAD TIMES TOGETHER. YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME HAPPY AND SMILE. YOU NEVER CARE HOW STUPID DO I LOOK AS LONG AS I KEEP THE SMILE ON MY FACE. YOU DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER SAY SOMETHING BEHIND OUR BACK AS LONG AS WE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER.

I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS DO CAUSE YOU ARE THE KEY TO MY HEART :D

TILL DEATH DO US APART, HOPEFULLY.

XOXO, LOVE,
ZAII

IN LOVING MEMORY OF BABY RARA

HMM.. THOUGH BABY RARA IS ONLY A KITTEN BUT SHE'S THE LOVABLE CAT OF ALL. SIGH. THOUGH SHE CAN'T WALK BUT SHE MANAGE TO MELT OUR HEART. RARA WEAR DIAPERS CAUSE SHE CAN'T DIGEST PROPERLY. HOPING TO KEEP HER LONGER BUT WE FAILED. I AM VERY SAD BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO SHOW. I HAVE A FEELING BAH.

MUMY AND ADIK2 CRIED. THEIR EYES WAS SWOLLEN. I CAN'T BEAR TO SEE THEM CRYING. I TRY TO TAHAN. WELL I AM A BIT EGO. LETS JUST SAY A HUGE-HUGE EGO. MY HOME FEEL SO SUNYI. REALLY. LIKE SERIOUSLY SUNYI. MUMMY GOT THE MIGRAINE ALSO.

FEEL SO SORRY FOR RARA THAT WE COULDN'T JAGA HER. I REGRET THAT I ALWAYS NEGLECT HER WITHOUT KNOWING THAT SHE'S GOING TOO SOON. SHE'S LIKE A SISTER TO US. SHE'S REALLY2 ADORABLE. OKAY I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW.

I COULD NEVER FIND ANOTHER KITTEN JUST LIKE HER.
I KNOW I'M A BIT OVERREACTING AND A BIT EXAGGERATING BECAUSE SHE'S JUST A CAT. BUT FOR ME SHE'S NOT ONLY A CAT SHE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL TO US. MUMMY LOOKED AFTER HER, SHE'S THE BABY IN THE FAMILY. AND SO CALLED A SPOILED BRAT :D

AND I WONDER WHY LAST FEW DAYS THE TWO SIBLINGS OF RARA ALSO DIED. THAT WAS SO WEIRD. ITS LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENED IN A PURPOSE WAY. ERR I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN. BUT I DON'T WANT TO THINK TOO MUCH ON IT.
ITS TIME TO LEARN TO LET GO. THAT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

I'M TOO EMOTIONAL FOR THIS.

ITS LIKE YOU KNOW, I AGREE WITH MUMMY ITS BETTER THAT YOU LOOK AFTER THE PET, THEY'LL UNDERSTAND YOU SO MUCH, YOU PAMPER THEM THEY WON'T GET YOU KNOW "NAIK KEPALA", THEY WILL SHOW YOU SOME LOVE INSTEAD.TO LOOK AFTER THE HUMAN AND PAMPER THEM ESPECIALLY LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE THOUGH WE DIDN'T LIVE IN THE SAME ROOF BEFORE ITS DRIVING YOU INSANE. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE YOU. BUT THEY STAB YOU FROM BEHIND INSTEAD. BUT DIFFERENT PERSON DIFFERENT THINGS WILL HAPPENED

THAT'S WHAT MUMMY TOLD ME BEFORE. SO SHE HAD ENOUGH FOR IT. I'M TALKING ABOUT THIS WOMAN. OH WHO ELSE. MY RECENT POST IS ALWAYS ABOUT THIS WOMAN WHOM I SHOULDN'T MENTION THE NAME TO THIS BLOG. BUT I ALREADY MENTION PLG.

FOR ME SHE'S TOO MUCH. WHO IS SHE TO BREAK US APART. YOU'RE NOT OUR BLOOD WHO ARE YOU KAN? NOTHING BAH. AFTER ALL YOU DID TO US, AND WHEN SOMETHING REMINDS ME ON YOU IT MAKES ME GO JIJIK, YOU LOOK SO DISGUSTING TO ME. DO YOU KNOW THAT. HUH.

OH CRAP PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER. SHE'S A DISGUSTING WOMAN THAT I'VE EVER SEEN. CHEAPER THAN A SLUT CHEAPER THAN A WHORE. THAT'S WHAT SHE ARE. I SALUTE MUCH TO THE SLUT. THEY STILL NEED A RESPECT. BUT TO HER. I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU KNOW I AM THE ONE WHO ARE REALLY STUBBORN. TO ASK APOLOGIZE FROM YOU OH SORRY. I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT. IF YOU WANT TO DIE, YOU GO AND DIE. YOU DON'T SHOW US SOME RESPECT SO DO I.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE NEITHER DO I.

ENUF TALKING ABOUT HER.

I'M SIGNING OUT NOW

LOVE,
ZAII
11.32PM, 21/10

P/S: JUDEN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY TO MY <3

JUST WANNA SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY <3.>

DO YOU REMEMBER THIS THING THAT YOU GAVE ME? I THINK IT WAS 4YEARS AGO. HOW I LOVE THIS SO MUCH..

YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL TO ME.

MWAH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN. I LOVE YOU.

YOU ARE THE SOUL TO MY BODY
YOU GIVE ME SPIRIT TO LIVE
YOU GIVE ME AIR TO BREATHE

OH CRAP! I'M NOT POETIC AT ALL. GEESSH..

LOVE,
ZAII
12.47AM, 20/10/09

A LIL BIT OF LOVE

ITS FEW HOURS TO GO TO MY SAYANG'S BIRTHDAY :P HE'S 22ND YEARS OLD. A YEAR OLDER. SIGH. YEA AND STILL WE'RE HANGING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.BUT ITS OKAY. WE'LL JUST GO WITH THE FLOW. SPEAKING A LIL BIT OF LOVE.

I SPOKE TO MY COLLEAGUE, JIDAH. IT STARTED WHEN I ALWAYS STARRED AT ME AND JUDEN'S PHOTO. I KEEP ON KISSING ON IT AND SAYS I MISS HIM SO MUCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN. THEN SHE SAID HOW COME YOU CAN MISS HIM WHEN YOU JUST MEET HIM A WHILE AGO. I SAID MAYBE ITS WHAT WE CALLED LOVE.

SHE SAYS SHE'S NEVER BEEN IN THIS SO CALLED "IN LOVE" SITUATION BEFORE. YEAH MAYBE SHE'S BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP. BUT MISSING SOMEONE SPECIAL EVEN A MINUTE, SHE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, SHE CONFESSED ERR. THAT'S KINDA WEIRD. SHE ALWAYS ASK TO ME DOES TRUE LOVE EXIST OR NOT? I DEFINITELY ANSWER YES. I AGREE TRUE LOVE DOES EXIST BUT IT DOES NOT LAST FOREVER. I MEAN YEA NOTHING LAST FOREVER I REALLY BELIEVE IN THOSE. THIS WORLD ALSO INDA LAST FOREVER. AS GOD PROMISED US. T.T

YEA I'M GETTING SO EMO. ERR WHY WAS THAT. ITS JUST I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY CERTAIN PPL INDA TRUST IN LOVE. MAYBE SOMEHOW. THEY'LL KNOW.

P/S: SY, I WANT YOU. I NEED YOU.

LOVE,
ZAII,
@23.12PM 19/10/09

THE POSTPONED POST :P

SIGH. SITTING HERE ALL ALONE IN THIS BORING ROOM. PFFT. WHAT SHOULD I DO. WORKS GET SO HECTIC. SERIOUSLY THOUGH ITS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MONTH BUT. IDK WHY. GUESS I'M BORED WITH WORKING SUDAH. BUT WHAT TO DO. HAVE TO WORK FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE HUH.

CAN I SKIP THE TIME? WISH I HAVE THE "CLICK" REMOTE SO THAT I CAN CONTROL MY UNIVERSE. LOL. FEEL LIKE WANT TO SKIP THIS TIME. I WANNA SEE MY FUTURE. AS IF~~~ IF ONLY DPT BNR TAH..

WELL I'M TOTALLY BLANK RIGHT NOW. SIGH. AH ANYWAYS TODAY IS THE THIRD DAY ME AND JUDEN "MEMULAKAN HIDUP YG SEHAT" BUT STILL YA SMOKING. PFFT. SO DO I.. =.=''

ERR SPEAKING OF SEMOKING:D. I WONDER WHY AH NOWADAYS THE TEENAGE AND SOME OF THE OTHERS, IF THEY SMOKE, JUST FOR FUN. I MEAN THEY THOUGHT THEY WAS LIKE SO COOL WHICH IS SO NOT. IT'S TOTALLY PATHETIC. I KNOW I DO SMOKE ALSO BUT I'M NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON WHO TRY TO ATTRACT PPL AND TRYING TO TELL THE OTHERS "HI GUYS AKU BESIGUP" GO TO HELL. AKU ROKOK JUST FOR MY OWN SELF. NOTHING MUCH. SO I'M TRYING TO CORRECT YOU GUYS WHO THOUGHT THAT AKU SIGUP JUST FOR AN ATTENTION. ERR I'M NOT AN ATTENTION SEEKER ANYWAYS.

BACK IN 2008. I REMEMBER I WENT SMOKING DI TANGGA NETCOM, AS USUAL AFTER PLAY CS THEN WE ROKOK. I BRING THIS BITCHFROMNOWHERETOBESEEN WHICH I TOTALLY REGRET. I SMOKE LAH. THEN SHE'S STARRING AT ME AND SAYS EH DAH ASAP MU KLUAR DARI IDUNG. GOD DAMN IT. I WAS SO EMBARRASSED AT THAT TIME. I MEAN C'MON MAN AKU BUKAN MCM KAU.. AKU ROKOK FOR LIFE NOT TRYING TO TELL THE OTHERS "OH I'M COOL BECAUSE I SMOKE" SORRY. TO THOSE WHO SMOKE JUST FOR THIS PIECE OF CRAP YOU BETTER QUIT YOU JUST WASTE YOUR FUCKING MONEY TO BUY CIGAR AND ITS NOT WORTH IT AT ALL. SORRY I'M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN. OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THE WORLD. YOU GOT PLENTY TIMES TO DO SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS.

AND I REMEMBER BACK IN THE FIRST DAY OF RAYA. WITH ALL HER HEART AND SAY IT LOUDLY AND PROUDLY AKU MAU SIGUP EH.. ERR.. THAT SO NOT COOL BIATCH. YOU GO TO HELL. YOU ARE TOTALLY INSANE.

AKU MENTAL.

BAH BAH I'M OFF TO TUTONG NOW.

I'LL SAMBUNG AGAIN LATER.

SIGNING OUT AT 6.36PM.ZAII

WELL SUPPOSE I POST THIS FEW DAYS AGO. HAHA. I GOT NO TIME. ADA PLG. ITS JUST I FORGET. SIGH.

ITS 2.25AM 18/10/09 JUST GOT BACK HOME FROM JUDEN'S PLACE. CELEBRATING LAST RAYA. AWESOME, BUT I KEEP ON WHINING. IDK WHY.
MAYBE I'M TOO EXHAUSTED. HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH SLEEP THESE FEW DAYS. SIGH.

ERR, I WAS THINKING OF JOINING A BOXING CLASS. DIMANA ADA? TRYING TO BE A BIT DEFENSIVE HUH. I'M SERIOUS BABY. REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I HEARD FITNESS ZONE HAS THE CLASS FOR "BODY COMBAT". SOUNDS SO INTERESTING. BET IT IS FUN. I WANNA TRY.

IM OFF NOW.

AGAIN, SUPPOSE I POST THIS LAST NIGHT BUT. ERR. THE CONNECTION WAS DOWN. SO YEA.. I HAVE TO POSTPONED AGAIN. HEHE.

P/S: BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. XOXO

LOVE,
ZAII
18/10 20.45PM

HI AGAIN,

SMILE AND CHEER UP FOR YOUR DAY EVEN THOUGH THE OTHERS SAYS SOMETHING BAD TO YOU. RELAX. TAKE A DEEP BREATHE. SOMETIMES THIS KIND OF THINGS WE SHOULD LET IT GO.

THAT'S THE THING THAT I CANNOT HANDLE WHEN MY OWN BLOOD SAYS SOMETHING BAD TO ME. I JUST CANNOT HANDLE IT. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PATIENCE AND THINK TWICE BEFORE DO ANYTHING.

WHEN THIS HAD HAPPENED TO ME, I'M TRYING MY BEST TO PROTECT MY FAMILY. SIGH. BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED THEY TRY TO SEPARATE US.

SOMEDAY AND SOMEHOW I PROMISE I WILL MAKE MY MOM PROUD. I'M TIRED WITH ALL THE BULLIES AND BEING INSULTED. I'M REALLY TIRED OF IT.

I WISH I CAN BRING MUMMY AND SIBLINGS TO SOMEWHERE ELSE NOT IN BRUNEI. SO THAT WE CAN LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER JUST LIKE THE FAIRY TALE DID, THOUGH FAIRYTALE DOESN'T REALLY EXIST IN THIS WORLD. BUT WHY NOT WE TRY TO BE ONE. AT LEAST NO ONE CAN DISTURB US LIKE THE BITCH DID.

TO SEE HER SMILE IS LIKE A RELEASE TO ME. BUT TO SEE HER CRY IS LIKE A CHALLENGE. NO BODY CAN MESS WITH MY MUM. I SAID NO BODY.
TO YOU BIBIE BITCH I JUST GO WITH THE FLOW AH.. LET'S SEE SIAPA YG SAKIT NANTI. ANE KAMI SUSAH ONE DAY YOU WILL KNOW. JUST WAIT AND SEE SAJA. KARMA SELALU ADA. JUST REMEMBER KARMA WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. WHEN THE TIME HAS COME I JUST SMILE FOR YOU. HEHS.

LOVE,
ZAII

i talk crap cause its bullshit

SOMETHING HAS BOTHERING ME EVER SINCE THE INCIDENT THAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME LAST FEW DAYS. I WONDER WHY, WHY PEOPLE SUKA INTERRUPT OTHER PPL PUNYA HAL WHEN THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

I DON'T GET IT. I KNOW NO BODY'S PERFECT BUT HEY WAKE UP PEOPLE U GOT PRETTY FUCKING THINGS TO DO OTHER THAN MIND OTHER PPL'S BUSINESSES. SHUT THE HELL OUT OF IT. PUH~~LEASE!

I WONDER WHY HUMAN BEINGS NOWADAYS ACTING LIKE ANIMALS WHILE THE ANIMAL CAN LOVE THEIR OWN FAMILY RATHER THAN HUMAN.

ADA LAGI:

SOMETIMES WHEN SOMEONE MADE A MISTAKES THEY HARDLY WANTS TO ADMIT BUT THEY ACCUSED OTHERS BY MAKING UP STORIES SO THAT THE OTHERS FEELS THE SAME WAY LIKE THEY DOES AND THE OTHERS WILL BLAME URG ATU MATI2AN WHEN THIS PERSON DGR ON ONE SIDE SAJA. SO IT CALLS FAIR AND FUCKING SQUARE WHICH IS SO NOT ACCEPTABLE. CIBAI.

ONE MORE THING. I REALLY HATE IT. BAH CAKAP MELAYU KU DULU. YA MENGUMPAT URG ANE YA BUAT TANI BANCI URG YG DI UMPATNYA ATU.BUT THEN UDAH KELAIE SAMA TANI URG YG DI UMPAT NYA ANE JUA DI AGA NYA.. I MEAN COME ON PPL NADA PRINSIP KAH. ITS SOUNDS LIKE YA MELUDAH TAPI DIGILATNYA BALIK. WTF?

I KNOW WHO I AM. I CANNOT JUDGE ANYONE ELSE BUT ME. BUT THIS THING HAS BOTHERING ME BAH.

ADA LAGI; SIGH. BELAGAK KUAT WHEN HE'S SO NOT BERANI. THIS IS DAMN CALI. POCKET KNIFE, SAMURAI HAHA. COME ON BOY, BARU LIAT KWNNYA KANA KERAJAKAN UDAH PUCAT KAJAR2 ALUM LAGI EHEM.. ONE BY ONE. I KNOW I SOUNDS CHILDISH. BUT THIS KIND OF PEOPLE MAKE ME REALIZE THAT DURNG ANE CAKAP SAJA BUT END UP PFFT I DON'T WANNA SAY LAGI.

*KNOCK THE WOOD*


REGARDS,
ZAII

I REALIZE

SOMETIMES IN THIS WORLD, WE SHOULDN'T HELP THE OTHERS WHEN WE CANNOT HELP OURSELVES. I SMIRKED. EVERY SINGLE WORDS THAT CAME OUT FROM YOUR MOUTH. I STOP AND THINK AND REALIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE.

I KNOW YOU VERY MUCH. WHAT EVER YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAD YOU TO REGRETS. :D REMEMBER MY FIRST IMPRESSION TO YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A SMIRK. I ONLY CAN SMILE. NOTHING MUCH I CAN DO. BECAUSE I AIN'T GOING TO HELP ANYONE LIKE YOU.

SEKADAR BAH GNYA EMPAT RATUS AH. WTF? MCM KU INDA TAU KAU ATU KAN KAU APA 400 ATU. FUCK YOU DAMN BIATCH.

YOU ACCUSED US

ITS OK.

THIS WORLD WILL ALWAYS KEEP MOVING.

LETS JUST SAY KARMA!!

SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU BRAIN. MAYBE ITS NOT FUNCTIONING AT ALL SINCE YOU'RE STUPID LIKE ASSHOLE.

GOD, WHY ARE THESE KIND OF PPL WERE BORN IN THIS WORLD. ALL THEY KNOW IS EXAGGERATE THINGS AND BLAME PPL FOR THEIR OWN FAULT.

SIGH.

MAYBE TODAY WE LOSE. MAYBE TODAY WE'RE BEING INSULTED. SOON I'LL TELL YOU. YOU'LL REGRET.

i'm being random because i am a random person:D

hi. happy ramadhan people. well i know i'm a bit late and not updated. its been awhile since i've been blogging i guess. well same shit and same reasons. i'm a busy woman. haha. same old same old.

oh yes, my lappy just recovered last week. she's admitted to the hospital last few weeks because the motherboard was overheat and i can't switch it on i only can see black screen. luckily still ada warranty. if not mampus saya. sorry ling-ling cause inda jaga you. :D
lol.

there's lot of things happened in my life. sad, happy, depressed, exhausted etc.
well that's what we call life.

anyways, i hate people who are being racist, a bit political and the type of people who don't want to give a hand to others like siting there all day long watching ppl strangling with the works all they do is pushing us to do this and that. but what did they do? Nothing.Nil. Well i know who i am. i don't have rights to judge the others. it's just that it's not fair. sigh.


i'm just being random here.

i got nothing to do all day long just lying flat on my bed. i'm sick i got flu and high fever. the doctor gave me 3days of MC. i was very happy but at the same time i also feel guilty, i was thinking what will happen in the office when there are not enough ppl. i mean man, its the end of month. there's lot of things to do and its puasa. sigh.
bah bah stop talking about work. i had enough.

planning for sungkai out with friends, family and the love one. because kan~~TOMORROW payday hehe.

oh yea. we went to bridex last two weeks it was totally awesome and it was fun though we didn't get the chance to see the show. but its okay. I'm having fun with my friends though.

oh oh and also to all my very old friends kidah and the others i miss you. sigh. seriously from the bottom of my heart.

my birthday is coming up soon babeyyyy haha. its one more month to go plg. still i'm pretty excited about it. i wanna have some birthday bash pls daling pls. but due to your work condition its makin' me a bit down. sigh.

and and and i miss beach so much. that's the only place where i can release the stress out of my head. i miss one billionth barrel. soon i'll come baby..bh enough.
i'm off to bed now. and i remember this phrase jst now
"much love to give much pain to keep"

love,
zaii

i fucked up

sighs. world, all this while i've been selfish all the time that i didn't think of what all my siblings want all this while even-though i can afford enough to get the things for them. how do i start this post ah? i'm extremely speechless today banar tah.

today, my dad came to my house and i was working at that time doing the drp testing something about our system blah blah blah don't want to elaborate about that. back to the point. then bibie text me that my dad came and bring my adik go jln2. thats my first mistake. then i went so panic afraid that he will do violence lagi. as an eldest in the family i am very concern about that. sigh. then my mum asked me to look after them. then yayai my sister update with me where are they. she text me and said they're in yys. i called syg and he went straight away to my office. sigh. we rushed to yys afraid that my dad bring them to meet the so called "step mother" and i don't want that to happen. *knock the wood*

then we arrived at yys. then i clashed with my dad and i saw my adik. they kena balikan all the stuff that they've been wanting all this while. sigh. i saw them safe sudah so i don't worried much lagi. we went home straightly then they bring all the stuff and show it off to us. they was like happy. until mumy says " if kamu mau sama bbh kamu, i don't mind, i know i can't afford to buy all the stuff, mumy inda mampu bari kamu harta dunia, but akhirat i can afford, i'd do anything for that " i was very sad and speechless and i feel like crying out loud until now. i'm the eldest sister and i'm working for almost nine months and obviously i can afford to buy them all this kind of things that they should have. but aku hilaf, liat duit tarus bali brg for my self and inda think about my siblings at all. sighs. and my first mistake is aku jarang bwa durang jln. sigh how silly i am.

i realize that i've been selfish all this time, i ever felt this before, i want this and that but i kesian mumy because she carries so much of burden already, daddy leave us in vain, we don't have anything, the car kana tarik, life wasn't that easy bah. all we got is only ppl around us stabbing at us, insulted us. that was the hard part of my life.

sigh, i learnt my mistake, and i'm trying hard not to do the same mistake lagi. sorry mumy,
i love you so much.

with love,
zaii

its been awhile

its been awhile i didn't spend time with my love one. sigh. but today the hell's over. :D naahhh.. today we really had a great time together. that's what i called the so called "spend time". he brought me to Seria arah one billionth barrel because I've been wanting to go there since few months ago. sigh. if we planned to go there, there will always be something bothering us and ada jua yang buat aku a bit paranoid sigh. but today was a blast. well i'm a bit exaggerating pulang. hehe. but i tell you love. i really had a great time with you. especially arah pantai. its not that we didn't spend our time together that much. but ever since we have our own direction like u've been working and me too, our time was like a bit packed. especially during the end of month everybody was enjoying their life if payday punya season but for me its totally a hell. :S hopefully this month will not busier as last month especially the time when i just finished our work at 11.30pm and that makes me crazy like all the time thinking of you. i love you so much. thanks for everything. mmwah. hugs
xoxo

with love,
zaii

morning dunia,

i'm not feelin' so well today. all my muscle lamah mcm babi. sigh. tiring. i didn't go to work. guilty ku rah my colleague. i'm extremely weak. i hardly can stretch my body. i need some exercise. banar.

sigh. i have a nightmare smlm. sigh. and that's also one of the reason why aku got a headache i feel like kana bump arah batu. *exaggerate* i cried this morning. halfway to my office. i really can't stand bh. i'm totally weak. sigh.

baby, i miss you so much.. much.. much.. sigh...

oh and btw i miss our billabong cap yg gugur di laut ahh... its over 5years udah. sampai tia ajatnya ilang. sigh


i miss you love.

mwahugs


love,
zaii

first time ever experience

hiii.. today we went to empire hotel for the family fun day at the west beach and it is also the first time i'm riding the banana boat and the flying fish. the banana boat was extremely cool.. well ilang jua all the depress and mental space atu.. hehe. except for the flying fish. my sister fell down from the boat i was panicked at that time.. luckily my hero :D thanks sayang for helping her.. aku panicked bah then i also trajun.. luckily i can swim. yayai bah inda pandai.. and i was all alone in the middle of the sea.. and i can see the island yg dakat empire atu.. ampir sudah..

and that reminds me of dulu masa first time ke pntai empire.. i always wanted to go there. nah sampai tia ajatnya.. it was scary you know. and thats makin' me depressed and a bit of trauma.. ada scratch on my left knee. sigh..

i love you baby..

i can't imagine tadi if nada you. sigh

love,
zaii

sigh,

mentally emotional..

went home a bit late from the office because there's something wrong with the tt swift and one of the sc was angry with me. how can i know anything about swift. and she was trying to say that aku inda pandai ajar my junior wth?? and she said that might be my officer is the one who didn't know how to authorize that he didnt see the beneficiary address.. buduh ah.. how silly she is.. my officer wont authorize if there is no address. sigh. mental ku dibuatnya.

distracted ku mliat mukanya.. i'm extremely annoyed by her.. who the hell she think she is...

sorry i'm a bit rough.

pokoknya gue stress banget..

zizie i miss you...

yen also i miss you..

i feel like quiting sudah.

mcm surrender ku..

but if i think twice y would i quit just because of her.

i have a nice officer though sometimes he makes me upset

i have a good senior officer and supervisor sigh..

racist are what they are.

awu melayu ta buduh...

i'm tired, tired with all of this bullshit.

and one more thing she said that i didn't guide my junior. nah see how silly she is.. i was busy all the time recording and reporting, do all the transactions and i did ask her is she okay or not.. but she say it was okay.. so i ws expecting that everything is fine. and i never heard any problems with the tt that she's been doing all this while.

sigh...

hi there, i miss my bf so much right now, :S just got back home frm hospital cause my grandfather sakit. sigh. anyways last 2weeks is our anniversary. happy belated 6th anniversary to us :D since i'm working and had overtime so we celebrate it belated. but sampat plg had a dinner date with him on the day itself. the next day we check in at the empire hotel WITH bibie. don't get it wrong people. bukan kami dua saja check in. and me and him have a dinner date again di pantai but too bad i didn't take the picture masa kami dinner cause i thought my camera tinggal diroom. after the dinner and otw back to our room baru ku sadar that camera is in my handbag. C***i hehe:D it was the happiest moment in my life. and he bought me a guess wallet. and i just gave him a t-shirt. :S sorry sy. i don't have idea what to give. i love you so much..

i miss 2nd of may so much. seriously i miss. that was one of the happiest moment in my life though i was feeling guilty arah mumy :S

i love you so much sy. having you by my side makes me feel comfort and save.

p/s: i love you and i always do.

xoxo

regards,

zaii

I've been missing my friends this lately.. my old friends.. i miss you guys so much. and i miss school too. sigh. yesterday morning me and Juden had this feeling like going to school masa we come across sekolah rendah kiarong kah.. emm not sure around kiarong lah.. then we were like.."lain ah skulah ah.. whiteboard apa ah.." mcm we have the feeling kan sekulah again. i miss my old life. school, tunggu allowance, belajar and doing the craziest things with my friends

i just can't except the fact that i'm working and i have to tanggung my own life. sigh. i miss being a children. i can feel the burden sudah. not that really a burden. hehe. i really miss school so much. if i tell this to mum i swear i'm going to die. hehe.

sigh. wish i can turn back the time and will not do the same stupid mistakes. (8)cuz i made a stupid mistakes:D. sigh what for aku regret. i chose this. so i have to go with the flow. kan?kan?kan?

i feel like crying right now. sigh. not that i'm drama queening but its just real. i can't avoid the feeling that i am regret.

bh enough about this.

its like two or three more weeks lagi my 6th anniversary

and i haven't plan anything yet.. dinner?where? still inda tau.
what to wear? still clueless. the present?apa lagi..still inda tau... pfft.

but its okay as long as i'm with you. though we've planned to celebrate it belated:S

i love you sy.

mmwah

regards,
zaii

new hair :D

hi there, :D i just got my hair done. sigh. anyways i two of my collegue resigned lagi :( sad. fiqah i miss you already.. awh.. :( oh anyways si bf kraja udah :D:D and our anniversary is around the corner. and ya put sudah cut his hair.

also not to forget, al-fatihah to late nini tua.

regards,

zaii

update

its been a while i didn't update my blog. well end of month biasa.. very-very busy. hmm.. esuk we're going to angel beach yay!!! ada baiduri function. hopefully can erase all the stress that keep on messing with me.. hehe. apakan.. tapi serious bah if i think about my end month report my adrenaline pumping mcm hell... haha...

zizie time busy ane, selalu aku ingatkan kau. haha. you, me, chq and sal, 157, suspense, 154, branch, 214, sv, 143!!! and also your fav part menjahit!! :D haha. if only u know ppl. apakan aku buat ane. mcm babi. i miss the time we're having time together di empire. the ocean view, east atrium room8224, the kayangan ball room, mask, base, the glowing stick, swimming di jacuzzi kononnya.. haha.. and also my friends yg super2 gila... hypnotic mcm monkey...screaming your lungs out, act like there's no 2mrw, phycotic, the samchong, oh i miss the food too... i enjoy it. seriously i did. haha and also i can still remember the time muka ku pink because of the mask.. jubur.. pink mcm pikachu, babi. and i have to remove all my make up and do it once again. and aku hardly can't find my make up. rupanya arah durang yen.. sheesssss... haha and also the pop mie... oh i'm having so much fun that day, until i forget that zizie will leave us.. :S

oh anyways, i got my haircut. short ah rambut ku. consider short lah. short kah sy?? idk eh..

can't wait til 2mrw. the bouncer, the food, the beach, the wave, swimming, oh i love it.

i wanna upload the picture bahh.. tapinya.. i'm to cool to upload haha. nada wah... lame.

oh anyways,
Sam.. if you read this
i just want to tell you.
be strong bah..
and don't put too much hope,
if aku say directly to you.
plug mu atu balum pasang wah..
yth... labut!! haha...
be happy man!!!!!!

bh.. i'm off to bed. atleast aku update. :D

picture uploaded

i miss you zizie. office will never be the same without you :(

saya stress..

with love,

zaii

FINALLY!!

finally aku update.. hehe..aku inda update the happiest moment in my life.. like Baiduri masquerade ball party. i tell u it was awesome. apa lagi ah.. Empire, Kaybee, and i'm tellin' you guys i love my job sudah. i think. hehe... and ada sad part. because one of my collegue that i really love the most, zizie had resigned. i miss you zizie. nanti tah i upload ah the picture... emm guys.. readers.. to the couples.

HAPPY VALENTINES

DAY!!!

and to dean and nesa

happy 5th anv.

mwahugs.zaii