I JUST FINISHED WATCHING MY ALL TIME FAVORITE TV SHOW. KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS. THE WEDDING PART. I'M LOVING IT. ITS LIKE MY DREAM WEDDING; PURPLE AND ROSES. IT REALLY CATCH MY HEART. ESPECIALLY KHLOE'S DIAMOND RING. :D
BUT I KNOW, DREAMS WON'T COME TRUE. WHO AM I TO DO A GREAT WEDDING JUST LIKE HER. BUT WHEN I WATCH IT, ITS LIKE A FAIRY TALE. WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I REALIZE THAT, FAIRY TALE REALLY EXIST THOUGH FOR A DAY.
YEA, I KNOW. DREAMS ARE FREE SO DREAMS ON. SIGH. THINKING BACK OF THIS WHOLE SITUATION, THE ONLY LEFT IS DREAMS. HOPING FOR SOMETHING THAT IS SO IMPOSSIBLE. WHAT WAS I THINKING. SIGH. *INHALE AND EXHALE*
FORGET ABOUT THE DREAM WEDDING.
ITS ABOUT THE KARDASHIANS. I'M IN LOVE WITH THE REALITY TV SHOW. ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY ABOUT IT.
IT IS NOT ACTUALLY ABOUT THE WHOLE KARDASHIANS, ITS HOW THE LIVE THEIR LIVE. A HAPPY FAMILY I GUESS WHICH EVERYONE DREAM ABOUT IT. SIGH.
SERIOUSLY I GET SO JEALOUS WHEN MY FRIENDS SAYS THAT THEY NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THEIR FAMILY AND EVERYTHING. SIGH. I HAVE NO LIFE. I MEAN I HAVE A LIFE BUT ITS TOO MISERABLE FOR ME. SIGH.
FORGET ABOUT IT. LETS JUST ACCEPT THESE FACT. WHICH I BELIEVE FACT REALLY HURT.
ITS OK
LOVE,
ZAII
HI
I'M IN MENTALLY PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY STRESSING OUT. I HAVE A FEELING THAT THIS YEAR WILL BE THE BAD YEAR IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT ALL. ITS THE 19TH DAY OF THE YEAR. AND I REALLY DIDN'T FEEL THE JOY THAT WE HAVE.
ON NEW YEARS EVE, JUDEN FAILED TO BE WITH ME. WHICH I BELIEVE THAT ITS THE FIRST SIGN TELLING ME THAT I'LL HAVE A BAD 2010.
OKAY THAT'S THE FIRST. SECOND JUDEN'S CAR HAS BROKE DOWN. I MEAN BOTH OF IT. AND HE HAVE TO SPEND ALMOST ALL OF HIS MONEY TO THE CARS AND I SWEAR IT DOESN'T WORTH IT AT ALL.
THIRD. WHEN I GET MC THEN MY SUPERVISOR TOLD ME THAT SHE'S GOING TO FIND SOMEONE TO REPLACE ME IF I KEEP ON TAKING MY SICK LEAVE. FOR GOD SAKE. WHY WOULD I LIE. I AM SICK AT THAT TIME. IT TOOK ME LIKE A WEEK TO RECOVER. SIGH.
AND NOW 19TH DAY OF THE YEAR. ANOTHER CAR BROKE DOWN. WHEN I PLANNED TO GO FOR VACATION WITH JUDEN EARLY OF THIS FEBRUARY. IT REALLY WENT INSANE AND CHAOTIC.
I FEEL LIKE, I'M IN A CAGE TRYING TO GET SOMEONE'S HELP AND I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING BUT I CAN'T.
I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
MY CHECK LIST:-
1. MUMMY-DEFINITELY NOT RECOMMENDED. SHE'LL KEEP ON BABBLING.
2. MY BF-NOT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BECAUSE I BELIEVE HE FACED THE SAME PROBLEM TOO.
3. MY FRIENDS-ALSO NOT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BECAUSE I BELIEVE THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND HOW WAS MY SITUATION RIGHT NOW.
4. MY BLOG- YES. I THINK I MADE A RIGHT CHOICE TO WRITE IN THIS BLOG. SO THAT I FEEL LIKE A RELEASE.
NOW SEE LOVE, I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS. ITS OKAY IF YOU CAN'T COME WITH ME DURING THE VACATION. ITS OKAY FOR ME. I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU. I THINK I JUST WANNA GO ALONE. I NEED TO RELAX MY MIND.
SIGH.
IN THIS SITUATION I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ME AND HIM ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK. I HAVE A FEELINGS THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LONG-LONG REST. WHICH I'M REALLY SCARED OF IT.
I BLAME MY SELF IN THIS SITUATION. HE'S THE ONE WHO SEND ME AND FETCH ME TO WORK WITH HIS CAR. SO I FEEL GUILTY FOR IT. AND I THINK I AM THE PERSON WHO SHOULD RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THESE.
THIS IS THE FACT THAT I SHOULD FACE. WHICH FACT DOES REALLY HURT ME SO BADLY.
I JUST CAN'T GO THROUGH ALL OF THESE.
EVERYTIME I SEE THE FAMILY I KEPT ON BLAMING ON MY SELF. AND I ALWAYS ASK MY SELF WHY CAN'T I JUST TRY NOT TO MEET HIM FOR A DAY. IF OTHERS CAN WHY NOT US. SIGH.
I THINK I'M GOING TO MAKE A WISHLIST FOR 2010:-
1. NEW CAR
2. DRIVING LICENSE
3. VACATION*
4. A NEW JOB
5. TO COMPLETE MY STUDY
6. BUSINESS (NOT THIS YEAR)
7. TRYING TO BE A HARDWORK GIRL. (I AM LAZY)
8. THINK HOW TO SAVE MONEY.
9. RINGS.
10. HELP MUMMY WITH HER CREDIT CARD DEBT
11. EVERYTHING.
I AM WILLING TO WORK ON MY WISH LIST. LETS SEE IF ITS WORKING.
I PROMISE I'LL MAKE A LIFE MAP OR SOMETHING WHICH I'VE MADE ONE WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. WHICH I BELIEVE THAT SOME OF IT REALLY WORK. HOPEFULLY.
I TYPE TOO MUCH.
SIGH
GOOD NIGHT
LOVE,
ZAII
