HI

I'M IN MENTALLY PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY STRESSING OUT. I HAVE A FEELING THAT THIS YEAR WILL BE THE BAD YEAR IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT ALL. ITS THE 19TH DAY OF THE YEAR. AND I REALLY DIDN'T FEEL THE JOY THAT WE HAVE.

ON NEW YEARS EVE, JUDEN FAILED TO BE WITH ME. WHICH I BELIEVE THAT ITS THE FIRST SIGN TELLING ME THAT I'LL HAVE A BAD 2010.

OKAY THAT'S THE FIRST. SECOND JUDEN'S CAR HAS BROKE DOWN. I MEAN BOTH OF IT. AND HE HAVE TO SPEND ALMOST ALL OF HIS MONEY TO THE CARS AND I SWEAR IT DOESN'T WORTH IT AT ALL.

THIRD. WHEN I GET MC THEN MY SUPERVISOR TOLD ME THAT SHE'S GOING TO FIND SOMEONE TO REPLACE ME IF I KEEP ON TAKING MY SICK LEAVE. FOR GOD SAKE. WHY WOULD I LIE. I AM SICK AT THAT TIME. IT TOOK ME LIKE A WEEK TO RECOVER. SIGH.

AND NOW 19TH DAY OF THE YEAR. ANOTHER CAR BROKE DOWN. WHEN I PLANNED TO GO FOR VACATION WITH JUDEN EARLY OF THIS FEBRUARY. IT REALLY WENT INSANE AND CHAOTIC.

I FEEL LIKE, I'M IN A CAGE TRYING TO GET SOMEONE'S HELP AND I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING BUT I CAN'T.

I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

MY CHECK LIST:-

1. MUMMY-DEFINITELY NOT RECOMMENDED. SHE'LL KEEP ON BABBLING.
2. MY BF-NOT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BECAUSE I BELIEVE HE FACED THE SAME PROBLEM TOO.
3. MY FRIENDS-ALSO NOT HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BECAUSE I BELIEVE THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND HOW WAS MY SITUATION RIGHT NOW.
4. MY BLOG- YES. I THINK I MADE A RIGHT CHOICE TO WRITE IN THIS BLOG. SO THAT I FEEL LIKE A RELEASE.

NOW SEE LOVE, I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS. ITS OKAY IF YOU CAN'T COME WITH ME DURING THE VACATION. ITS OKAY FOR ME. I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU. I THINK I JUST WANNA GO ALONE. I NEED TO RELAX MY MIND.

SIGH.

IN THIS SITUATION I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ME AND HIM ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK. I HAVE A FEELINGS THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LONG-LONG REST. WHICH I'M REALLY SCARED OF IT.

I BLAME MY SELF IN THIS SITUATION. HE'S THE ONE WHO SEND ME AND FETCH ME TO WORK WITH HIS CAR. SO I FEEL GUILTY FOR IT. AND I THINK I AM THE PERSON WHO SHOULD RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF THESE.

THIS IS THE FACT THAT I SHOULD FACE. WHICH FACT DOES REALLY HURT ME SO BADLY.

I JUST CAN'T GO THROUGH ALL OF THESE.

EVERYTIME I SEE THE FAMILY I KEPT ON BLAMING ON MY SELF. AND I ALWAYS ASK MY SELF WHY CAN'T I JUST TRY NOT TO MEET HIM FOR A DAY. IF OTHERS CAN WHY NOT US. SIGH.

I THINK I'M GOING TO MAKE A WISHLIST FOR 2010:-

1. NEW CAR
2. DRIVING LICENSE
3. VACATION*
4. A NEW JOB
5. TO COMPLETE MY STUDY
6. BUSINESS (NOT THIS YEAR)
7. TRYING TO BE A HARDWORK GIRL. (I AM LAZY)
8. THINK HOW TO SAVE MONEY.
9. RINGS.
10. HELP MUMMY WITH HER CREDIT CARD DEBT
11. EVERYTHING.

I AM WILLING TO WORK ON MY WISH LIST. LETS SEE IF ITS WORKING.

I PROMISE I'LL MAKE A LIFE MAP OR SOMETHING WHICH I'VE MADE ONE WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. WHICH I BELIEVE THAT SOME OF IT REALLY WORK. HOPEFULLY.

I TYPE TOO MUCH.

SIGH

GOOD NIGHT

LOVE,
ZAII